"when you got to go, don't say 'goodbye,' say 'i'll see you soon,' cause that's a good bye." - aaron espe
My head is screaming at me.
I have a million things to think about and no time to form any rational thought.
Only panic is coming now.
I have to make some decisions sooner than expected.
I have thoughts that come and go; conflicting, of course.
The woman at the Valero calls me darling every day. One of my best buddies, David Ramirez, told me he loved me today. Zac kisses me. All that to say, all of my bases are covered. I have people who tell me what I want to hear, people who care about me, and people who show me affection. Maybe that's why I am so content with having what I have with him; even if it isn't much. I don't need him to call me darling, tell me he loves me, or kiss me. Yet, there's that something about him that sets him apart. THOSE are the parts of him I must subconsciously crave. He challenges me. He is brutally honest with me.
Too tired. Here are some songs I'm working on:
"Severed Kites" - jaimee harris (2009)
For you a thousand times, I'd give you my shoulder
For you a thousand times, a thousand white & better lies
For you a thousand times over
We were growing up so envious
I didn't know
But I cried a million times the day I made you go
I never knew what that phrase you said meant
Until I replayed it a thousand times in my own head
For you a thousand times
For you a thousand times, I'd give you my shoulder
For you a thousand times, a thousand white & better lies
For you a thousand times over
As I felt my feet sink into the sand
I realized I'll never know you as a man
If I took back all of those things I said
You'd be walking here with me, you wouldn't be dead
For you a thousand times
For you a thousand times, I'd give you my shoulder
For you a thousand times, a thousand white & better lies
For you a thousand times over
Would I take it all back and change?
I wouldn't
I will always be selfish
I will never stray, I'll stay the same
For you a thousand times
For you a thousand times, I'd give you my shoulder
For you a thousand times, a thousand white & better lies
For you a thousand times over
For you a thousand times
For you thousand times, I'd give you my shoulder
For you a thousand severed kites flying up in the sky
For you a thousand times over
"?" - jaimee harris (2009)
Mr. State Capitol, why are you sad?
Don't think about it, just go back to bed
You will feel better by morning I swear
If not, let me know & I'll rush to be there
The city which after you're named for
Frequently shuts down due to the snow
I feel as if you're the same damn way
One day you're open, the next you are closed
Mr. State Capitol, why do you wander?
Keep your eyes fixed on me, you will discover
The love that shines behind these blue eyes is for you
I don't know if you want it now, but I hope you do soon
The city which after you're named for
Frequently shuts down due to the snow
I feel as if you're the same damn way
One day you're open the next you are closed
Mr. State Capitol, don't hold my heart lightly
Cling to it, keep to it at your side tightly
And if you find out you must let it go
I don't want to be the last girl to know
The city which after you're named for
Frequently shuts down due to the snow
I feel as if you're the same damn way
One day you're open the next you are closed
"?" - jaimee harris (2009)
Baby, won't you come & lie down next to me
You don't have to smile, you can close your eyes if you're tired
You never look at me when they are open any way
Baby, won't you come and lie down next to me
Baby, won't you come & talk to me a while
You don't have to say anything important, just pretend that you're interested
And kiss me before the lights go off so I can pretend we're something that we're not
Baby, won't you come & talk to me a while
The whole world is crashing down on the both of us
It's not confusing, love, this is black & white lust
But we'll never learn how to love if we never learn how to trust what is happening between the both of us.
Baby, why do you vanish for days?
What the hell are you doing, except driving me insane?
I'm letting you go now, I don't really have a choice
Baby, why do you vanish for days?
The whole world is crashing down on the both of us
It's not confusing, love, this is black & white lust
But we'll never learn how to love if we never learn how to trust what is happening between the both of us.
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